


echoing

by tobiased



Series: heaven trembles, fallen at our feet [2]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Dreams and Nightmares, F/F, Memories, Templars (Dragon Age), Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-02
Updated: 2020-02-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:21:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22532410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tobiased/pseuds/tobiased
Summary: oh, what is it worth?all that's left is hurt.Jocelyn Trevelyan was almost a Templar. The events that lead to her leaving the order still haunt her, years later.
Relationships: Female Inquisitor/Josephine Montilyet, Josephine Montilyet/Female Trevelyan
Series: heaven trembles, fallen at our feet [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1621243
Kudos: 21





	echoing

Jocelyn stood in the Harrowing chamber, hands resting on the daggers at her waist. It was an odd weapon for a Templar. Her fellows were usually clad in full plate, wielding a sword and shield. But she had begun training with them long before she had become a recruit, and so it was allowed. She supposed her family's name and history of generous donations to the Chantry hadn't hurt, either. But there had been other Templars before her who had preferred a more rogue-like approach, and so there was precedence.

She wasn't exactly happy about that. Jocelyn hadn't wanted to join the Templar Order in the first place, but her parents had been quite insistent, and she had bowed to their wishes far too easily. She was an obedient child, and eager to please.

Templar training had been difficult, and not only the physical aspect. There was something about the way they talked about mages that bothered her. She knew that mages could be dangerous, everyone did, but that didn't mean that they weren't people. And it wasn't like they chose to be that way, either.

But still, she had persevered with the training, ignoring the feelings of uncertainty that she had about the Order. She prayed to the Maker, but still, there were no answers from Him. And she didn't quite dare voice her doubts to anyone else. She knew what the answers would be, anyway.

And if she kept to herself, and didn't speak to the other trainees, well, that was her business.

Eventually, she was ready to become a full Templar. Which was how she found herself ready to guard an apprentice mage's Harrowing. Jocelyn shifted uncomfortably on her feet. She couldn't help but feel pity for the young mage that was going through it. She understood the need to test mages, she supposed, but this seemed barbaric.

The Templar in charge, Ser Edwin, glared at her, and she stilled, resisting the urge to roll her eyes. She wasn't particularly fond of the strict man, but he was her superior. She would obey.

The door slammed open, and she startled a little bit, not expecting the sound. But it was the mage and the templar escort. Jocelyn was glad she hadn't been chosen for that role. It seemed awful, waking them from their beds and dragging them off. It was bad enough, what she was already expected to do.

The mage looked to be no older than sixteen or seventeen, and was obviously terrified. Jocelyn pitied him. Ripped from his family for something he didn't ask for, taken away to the circle, and now expected to face a demon.

No one should have to go through this.

But Jocelyn knew better than to say anything. Her grip on her daggers tightened. She watched, her face impassive, as the mage was given lyrium to help them pass into the Fade. For all appearances, he then passed out, but Jocelyn knew that he was facing his trial.

She stared at the mage, not tearing her gaze away from him. Time passed. She didn't know how much. It was her first Harrowing, and though she had been told what to expect, she was surprised that it was so long.

The mage's eyes opened. They were pure white.

He was possessed.

The Templars around her drew their weapons, advancing on the abomination. But Jocelyn took a step back, horrified. She had hoped and prayed that the Harrowing would go well, but it seemed the Maker hadn't listened.

She turned away as the metal flashed, piercing flesh, her own weapons still firmly in their sheaths.

The abomination - the mage - now dying, now dead, lay motionless on the floor.

And Jocelyn woke up.

Heart pounding in her chest, sweat beading at her brow, it took her a moment to realize where she was. It had been the kind of dream that brought her to a different place, and she had forgotten about Skyhold, just for a moment.

She sat up. Her hands trembling, she ran her fingers through slightly damp hair. It wasn't the first time that she had dreamed about the Harrowing, but it had been a long time since her dream has been so vivid.

Jeoff. The mage's name had been Jeoff, she had found out later. He has been sixteen, young for a Harrowing, but his magic has been powerful, so they brought him in early.

It had been the last straw for Jocelyn. She had damned the Templars, damned the Chantry, damned the Maker.

And quit the Order.

Her parents had been outraged, of course, but not outraged enough to cut her off. So she had spent her life aimlessly, drinking and whoring, until they had sent her to the Conclave to represent their interests.

"Are you well, my love?"

She turned to Josephine, a weary smile appearing on her face.

"I'm fine. It was just a dream," she said.

"You were crying in your sleep," Josephine said softly, reaching out for Jocelyn's hand.

"Oh."

Jocelyn took a deep breath. She hadn't told her lover much about being in the Templars. Josephine knew that Jocelyn once had been in training, and that she had quit and there had been a minor scandal. But she hadn't shared any details.

Perhaps it was time.

She moved up the bed, wrapping her arms around her waist and burying her face in her hair.

"It was the Harrowing. The only one I ever saw. That was when I decided I couldn't be a Templar."

"Oh, my love," Josephine said, stroking Jocelyn's back.

"They killed him. He was only a boy, and they cut him down. I knew I could never do that, not when they forced him into facing the demon in the first place."

"Few people would consider that in what they see as necessary," Josephine said softly. "It speaks well of you that you were so affected. You're compassionate."

"I suppose. It's just... I've killed countless mages since I've joined the Inquisition. But there was something different about that boy."

"You were young. Barely older than he was," Josephine soothed. "And it wasn't on the battlefield. You made a choice, and you stood by your beliefs in the end. I think you made the right decision. I couldn't have killed him, either."

"You're right, of course. And I don't regret it, no matter what. After all, it lead me to you."

"You flatterer," Josephine laughed. "I understand why you chose to ally with the mages, now. You must have complicated feelings about the Templars."

"I do. After seeing that was part of just training, I couldn't trust them. If they feel so comfortable killing in a situation like that, how could I? There might be good people in it, but the organization was tainted to me"

"You've done a lot for the former Templars, though, even if you didn't ally with them. Many have joined our cause."

"That's true," Jocelyn said, yawning. "But it's time to go back to sleep. I have to head out in the morning."

"I hope you sleep well, mi amor."

"Even if I don't, I have you to take care of me now. Good night."

"Good night."

**Author's Note:**

> Title from _Queen of Peace_ by Florence + the Machine.


End file.
